Same difference. Military intelligence. Unbiased opinion. Sport utility vehicle. Clean diesel.

An oxymoron is defined as a figure of speech in which two words with opposing meanings are used together intentionally for effect. But, sometimes an oxymoron develops over time, unintentionally, due to cultural shifts in our society. The Volkswagen Touareg wears at least two of these stigmatic phrases.

Diesel has had a bad reputation in Canada and the rest of North America for decades. It wasn’t long ago that you would see a diesel vehicle spewing black smoke out of its exhaust pipe, leaving a layer of soot all over the back bumper. Today, diesels are different. Volkswagen’s Clean Diesel line of vehicles, including the Jetta TDI we reviewed last week, have to conform to some of the strictest emissions regulations in the industry. But, is the price premium really worth it?

Governments are forced to brainstorm emissions regulations directly due to people like myself. I am not saying I don’t believe in global warming and that is why I burn so much dino juice. The science behind the theories makes perfect sense to me and there is every reason to want to reduce our carbon footprint while attempting to save Mother Earth a kilometer at a time. When I get into a car I enjoy though - pleasuring my senses in all the ways I crave - it is really hard to hear Mother Earth crying.

When the Touareg was first introduced, Volkswagen packaged something very special under the hood: a 5.0L V10 oil-burning monster producing a pavement curling 553 ft-lbs of torque. I’ve never had the opportunity to drive a V10 Touareg. However, after driving the 3.0L V6 TDI in our Comfortline trimmed tester, I can easily imagine what it would be like to rotate the earth to arrive at your destination.

Volkswagen’s brand new diesel V6 is smooth and quiet when listening from within the passenger cabin. Open the windows and your ears are pleasured with a turbocharged ballad that sounds better than any Duramax or Cummins. Peak power is rated at 221 hp; 59 hp below its gasoline powered brother. The tables turn on the torque curve, with the diesel besting the gas fed mill by 141 ft-lbs of torque, for a total of 406 ft-lbs.

Cog switching through the automatic gearbox is seamless and very hard to notice unless your eyes are super-glued to the gauge cluster. Putting the autostick in shift-for-yourself mode should only be used out of necessity though.

Along with a new drivetrain, the Touareg received a bit of nip-tuck corporate rhinoplasty, now showing off the new Volkswagen shield shnoze seen on other models in the company’s line-up. The refresh definitely suits the Touareg, giving it a little more of an aggressive, yet still somewhat understated look to match its luxury image. The rear on the other hand does not seem to be operated on by the same surgeon. Instead of looking aggressive, the rump is very plain jane and doesn’t give the impression that anyone who purchased this luxo-ute just dropped fifty large on their new ride.

Making the effortless climb into the Touareg, you are greeted with a truly classy interior. The gauge cluster, with its inset LCD screen, is easy on the eyes. The LCD itself is bright and clear, supplying the driver with a wide range of information, from average fuel economy to which street to turn left on. The center console is a thing of beauty. Equipped with the optional Technology Package is a large touch screen connected to a GPS receiver and the rear view camera. It is a breeze to operate parked. In motion, it can be a bit more difficult, but that is why there is a supplemental gauge cluster mounted LCD. The dash and switchgear all has a nice touch, though it doesn’t directly correlate to quality craftsmanship. While we had our tester, the 4XMotion low gear selector developed a crack in the plastic.

Another disappointment was the look of the seats and the feel of my own rump sitting in them. The leatherette used on the chairs seemed to be a decision made in the bean counter’s office, along with the seat’s manual controls. When you spend this amount of money on a vehicle, the seats should be electric and comfortable. In the Touareg Comfortline they are neither of these things. Electric seats are available in the Highline trim Touareg, but they should be standard for all models. For all the flaws of the front seats, the ones in the rear are the stars. They are comfortable, afford lots of leg room for adults, and have a higher – Volkswagen calls it ‘theatre-style’ – seating position so back seat drivers get a clear view of the road. The Sport Package adds very handsome 19 inch Terra-style wheels and silver roof rails that are more decoration than function. Also included in the package is a sport-tuned suspension, which gives the driver a bit more feel and confidence in the twisties, but bounces around the occupants and other objects in the passenger cabin like balls in a bingo cage. So, if you plan on choosing a path less traveled, save your cash and skip the Sport Package. Or, if you want to have an SUV that gives the S in the acronym a bit of credibility on the road, optioning your Touareg with the sport springs will not leave you disappointed.

After all this rambling and analyzing, I am going to let you in on a secret. When I like a car, I drive it constantly. In the Touareg I burned through a completely full 100L tank of fuel in a week. This isn’t because the 3.0L TDI powerplant is hard on diesel either. It only burned 9.6L/100km of diesel in about a 50/50 mix of town and highway driving.

Pardon?

You should drop your misconceptions about diesel vehicles. Who cares if diesel is more expensive than regular gas most of the time (even though at the time of writing this, it is significantly under the price of regular)? I sure don’t after driving the Touareg for a week solid. And the whole time I drove it, not once did I feel guilty.

You’re welcome, Mother Earth.

2009 Volkswagen Touareg TDI Summary

Base Price: $48,975
As Tested: $56,500
Engine: 3.0 TDI, 6 cylinder, turbocharged, common rail, 24 valve (225 hp / 406 lb.-ft.)

Pros:
* Extremely fuel efficient for its class
* You feel like you are driving something sporty
* Interior is gorgeous to look at

Cons:
* Seats could look and feel a bit better considering the price tag
* Offroading with the sport suspension may lead to a concussion
* Build quality may be suspect

Overall Rating: 4/5